Articles by Melissa Becker

Last week was the first in a series on bullying. Both subtle and overt forms of bullying occur every day in our schools that can have a devastating effect on our children. The first step in stopping this behavior is the school taking a stand, a “No Bullying” policy. This policy must then manifest itself into a belief that all members in the school, administrators, teachers, counselors, yard supervisors, student and parents, stand up and follow. At school, we frequently talk about bullying at our assemblies and in our classrooms so that children know what to do to protect themselves. If you have not heard your child talking about anti-bullying practices at school, it may be a good idea to speak with your child’s teacher and/or principal. Once you have discovered school policies, here are some strategies to teach your child when being bullied:

1. Stand up for yourself. Verbally express that you do not like what is happening. Using “I” statements are great, such as, “I feel ___ when you talk to me like that. Please don’t do it again.” Many young bullies will leave a child alone once he/she is stood up to by the child. Also, we as a society need to stand up to this poor behavior if it is to change. Far too many bullies have been allowed to hide, making the behavior seem acceptable. Encourage your child to come home from school and talk to you about it.

2. If it happens again, immediately have your child tell the teacher or a yard supervisor. Give an adult at school the opportunity to learn about the situation and make appropriate consequences. Again, encourage your child to tell you about it.

3. If the bullying behavior continues, set up an appointment to met with your child’s teacher. It is important that your child feel supported and safe throughout the process.

While bullying isn’t new, in recent years it has come into the forefront in schools across our county. The news depicts plenty of escalating bullying behaviors that have tragically ended in school shootings or suicide. Between 15-25% of U.S. students report that they experience bullying with some frequency, and surprisingly 15-20% of students report that they engage in bullying others (see stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov). As a principal, I take bullying very seriously and a few years back adopted a school wide Bully Free Zone policy. Bullying hurts both the person who is allowed to bully and his/her victims. It is as insidious as gossip and is often difficult to control if allowed to go unchallenged for an extended period of time. If bullying is to stop at schools, it has to start with a serious commitment on the part of school officials, teachers and students. First, students need a clear understanding of exactly what bullying is: repeated physical acts that hurt, spreading rumors, being exclusive (cliques), mean, or “gang-type” activities. While some bullying is overt and easily detected, it seems the subtler bullying can almost be more hurtful as it is easy to miss, and its constant pecking away at a young person’s soul can take a serious toil.

We start our school year by openly and honestly discussing/defining bullying. Just opening up and actually saying the word “bullying” in front of students has allowed many important discussions to begin. Once we have determined our definition, we then talk about what we are going to do about it: what behaviors we will accept as a student body, and what behaviors we will not. It is mind-boggling how quickly even the youngest children are able to clarify right from wrong. They know what behaviors/words scare them and they are just waiting for the adults to step up and help set the rules: AND stick with them. Schools need to play hardball against bullying. I then ask every teacher and student to take a pledge against bullies: if you want to be a bully, you will have to go to school somewhere else. No bullies allowed. Period. You can hear a clear collective sigh of relief in our school auditorium. Our school is different. Everyone is safe. It is amazing what children can do when they feel safe.

Next steps? Concrete ideas? Hang on until next week, as this post is the start of a series. Next week I will explore what you can do as a parent. If you have a question, I would love to answer!

Yippee! It is finally here! Am I the only one who adores Valentine’s Day? Cheesy? I think not. The day is only lame if you allow yourself to get sucked into the overpriced flowers and mandatory dinner out at an overpriced restaurant. I guess I am focused on this day as a small beacon of hope in this world gone mad. In a time when not a lot makes sense, the true essence of Valentine’s Day does. Let your family know that they rock your world. Here are a few easy ideas to make the day memorable for you, your spouse and your children.
- Surprise your children and deliver breakfast to them IN BED. That’s right! My ten year-old daughter is in for a big surprise. Instead of the usual, “Good morning, it is time to get up and get ready for school” spiel and morning kiss, this year she will be having breakfast in her room! What could be better? (My three year old is probably a little too young to understand this concept, so he will be up helping me serve.)
- My husband will find a giant red heart with lip prints in the middle, all done in lipstick, on his bathroom mirror. I will also tuck a love note in his pant’s pocket for him to discover at work. Just a small flirtatious way to make him smile during the day.
- Trader Joe’s sells great fixing’s to make your own pizza- no real effort involved. Each year we shape the dough into a heart and dine on this simple meal so we have some extra family time together in the evening.
I like these ideas because they show a sweet sentiment to your family. Valentine’s Day truly is a day to tell those you love how you feel. Hope you take a few minutes to count your blessings…

Everyday I get the privilege of seeing how tirelessly teachers work for students. I am often taken aback by the genuine love, dedication and commitment that teachers make on a daily basis. They do things that are so subtle, yet so powerful…things that mold the soul. Teachers of today are caregivers that truly keep the moral compass of our society on track. On a daily basis when I hear my daughter tell stories of how funny and helpful her teacher is, coupled with her knack for bringing learning to life, and I see my daughter eagerly completing assignments and “taking it up a notch” because she wants Mrs. Nixon to be proud of her, well, my hat is off to Mrs. Nixon.

Inevitably, in these days of extreme cutbacks at schools, every teacher spends money from his/her own pocket to go above and beyond for children. I am humbled by the extraordinary nature of teachers. In this mixed up world where we honor someone who can sing more than we do a teacher, maybe this Valentine’s Day would be the perfect time to share the love with your child’s teacher. Speaking from “the inside,” most teachers have more mugs than they know what to do with, and they can’t eat 20 boxes of chocolates. So what about doing something unexpected? A handwritten thank you card from you and your child would be so appreciated, as this personal touch would let her know how much you both care. I still have thank you cards tucked away from my days as a teacher, and occasionally I get them out. They make me cry, and smile, thinking back on a particular child. They also remind me why I got into this business in the first place.

In addition, I plan on tucking in a bottle of Lovely Body Lotion because I love the product, the packaging, and the way it says, “Indulge in something special for yourself! You deserve it!” I can’t imagine a teacher who wouldn’t be tickled pink!

Looking for a new children’s book to get your young ones for Valentine’s Day? Our school librarian ALWAYS has her eye out for engaging stories that have a moral or a point to them, and this one passed my test with flying colors. The bright illustrations and vibrant story kept me, and my children, engaged. I plan on reading it to my entire school next month! Kindness is Cooler, Mrs. Ruler, written by Margery Cuyler and illustrated by Sachiko Yoshikawa, is the refreshing story of a kindergarten teacher who embarks on teaching her students the golden rule in a very creative way. Her students eagerly set out to complete 100 acts of kindness, and in doing so, they discover that, “One person, no matter how small, CAN make a difference in the world.” The positive energy in this book is delightful and the message is pure. A little sugary, yes, but much needed in today’s world. The illustrations alone are enough to make young and old smile. I also LOVED that the back of the book lists the children’s 100 acts of kindness that can be used to generate ideas for your own children and family. Here is to inspiring HOPE!!!

Valentine’s Day, believe it or not, is just around the corner so it might be good to start planning ahead. Valentine’s Day is one of my favorite celebrations, so I have always tried to make it special for my children. Three fun ideas to try at home:

1. Have your children make Valentine cards this year instead of buying boxed cards. Paper lace hearts always work well as the base of the card, and they look beautiful once garnished with stickers. Make sure you have a card for EVERY child in the class, and don’t forget the teacher. Schools are starting to steer away from candy, so consider omitting it this year.

2. Plan a small Valentine’s Day Cookie Making Party. This has been a tradition in our home since our daughter was two. We invite 9 friends who are all asked to wear red, pink, purple or white. Each guest is also asked to donate one jar of his/her favorite sprinkles. About a week before the party my children and I bake about 100 different sized heart sugar cookies and stick them in the freezer On the day of the party our home is decorated with a zillion paper hearts, balloons, and streamers. When guests arrive they sit and decorate cookies until their hearts are content. Keep the day simple: no favors, no games, no gifts, no lunch, just a simple meal of cookies and milk- does it get any better than that? We also limit the time of the party to an hour, which is plenty of time to decorate, admire our creations, and eat. We write each child’s name on a paper plate so he/she can carry the extra cookies made home.

3. Make a handmade card for loved ones this year. I always stick a Valentine under their pillows so they find them on Valentine’s morning.

If you have any other creative ways to make Valentine’s Day fun, I would love to hear!

Happiness is brightly colored sugar sprinkles all over my kitchen table!

We are living in a time where most students, as young as kindergarten, have homework every night, so what is a parent to do? I often have parents ask me about homework tips. Here are some simple guidelines:

1. Reading should be the MOST important “homework” a child does every evening. Depending on age, children should read a minimum of 20 minutes per evening up to 30 minutes (or more). If your child is a struggling reader, this time can include mom or dad reading a page aloud and the child reading a page. The goal is to instill a love for learning, so seek out books that are interesting and not overwhelming.

2. Keep homework stress free by establishing consistency. Have your child complete his/her homework in the same designated spot each day. Having a good work space stocked with necessary supplies helps children stay focused while working.

3. Establish a consistent time for homework. After a short snack/play break, homework should be the first thing completed at home. If homework is left until after dinner or right before bedtime, it can be a struggle due to fatigue and lack of interest. Many children have sports or other activities right after school, which can make the evening a little more difficult, so plan ahead to get larger assignments out of the way, and start homework right when you get home.

4. If your child is struggling with a particular assignment that seems to be taking too long, or is causing tears/stress, write a note to the teacher at the top of the page and have your child arrive to class a few minutes early to explain the problem and ask for help. Teachers don’t want children working on assignments until all hours of the night, and want to know if a particular problem/assignment was too difficult.

Stay calm while you help your child complete homework and allow your child to do the work. Don’t allow homework to create tension at home, and if it does, don’t hesitate to contact your child’s teacher.

Desk available at Pottery Barn Kids.

Kids love going to the movies, and so do I, but sometimes it is tough to find one that suits all of our interests. Here’s the deal- some kids movies can be painful to sit through as an adult, but I have come to realize that the joy my children gain from the “movie experience” trumps my own. There is nothing cuter than watching a three-year old balance a bag of popcorn while sitting perched upon the plastic kid’s chair at the movies. The little squeal I always hear when the lights go down warms my soul. I have also found that watching them watch the movie makes it all the more enjoyable for me. Here are a few current fun flicks for families:

National Treasure- both my three year old and ten year old loved this one. Great adventure (although very far fetched) that will keep little ones, and older ones, entertained.

Alvin and the Chipmunks- cute heartwarming story that kept my three year old on the
edge of his seat. A little long, but a fun flick.

The Golden Compass- too mature for young ones (as it is rated PG-13) but my ten year old LOVED IT!!! This is the first PG-13 movie I have allowed her to see, but she says it is now one of her favorites, and it prompted some interesting family discussions. Worthwhile for the older crew.

We would love to hear some of your family movie favorites from the holidays.

By now I think almost everyone has heard of The Complaint Free World (if you haven’t, check out the website and you can request a free bracelet.) I absolutely love the concept and loved how a small group of people were able to make such a huge impact across the United States.

Last August we started our school year by passing out and donning the purple Complaint Free bracelets, and soon realized that not complaining was a little harder than we thought. It is so easy to head down the complaint path without even realizing it. At some level, complaining feels like a release of pent up frustration, but what if we allowed positive emotions to do the same?

I just read a great article this morning suggesting just that in the San Francisco Chronicle Magazine. Kathy Seligman’s article, “Cultivating Happiness” asserts that positive psychology, some genetics and gratitude intervention can teach our kids to be happy. I love the concept of “cultivating happiness” with our children as it moves us away from complaints to focusing on the positive.

As today is New Year’s Day, my resolution will surely focus on being a mom who cultivates happiness in her home, with her husband and with her children. I spent the morning digging out our purple bracelets, and last night at midnight we put them back on as a reminder to look at life with our glasses half full.

Happy New Year!

Some of my best ideas come from children. Take today for example. While gathered around with family, my ten year-old daughter and my eight year-old nephew sequestered themselves in the dining room. When I inquired as to what they were doing, they informed me they were creating an art show. About an hour later they emerged announcing that admission to the show would be $0.25 per person. They had painstakingly labeled each piece of art with a ticket ranging from 5 cents to a dollar. When we entered the exhibit, we each wandered around selecting the pieces we would like to buy. When all was said and done, each adult had one painting from each artist. The children then decided they would donate a portion of their earnings to charity. Wow. The television was off, and time was spent painting, learning a little about economics, and having fun.

As adults, we often try to plan events and activities for our children. Today, I was again reminded that children have so many creative ideas on their own - we don’t always need to give directions. Children need to have ‘down time’ to create and problem-solve on their own, and in our busy world, most children have their schedules planned out for them. So during this two-week vacation, enjoy the wonder of your children and let them explore. I know you will be surprised with what they come up with…I would love to hear what your children teach you!

Holiday parties, shopping until the wee hours, frantic dashes to my home office to wrap gifts in between homework and other family fun…everything is going along as planned, until BAM!- misbehavior from my little one. As adults, we can more easily go with the flow during this hectic time of year (and sometimes even the best of us struggle with this one!), but through the eyes of a three year old, the whole season can be a little daunting. So, what is a mommy to do?

Three quick fixes for our little ones:

• Attempt to keep the family routine as normal as possible. Try to stagger events and evenings out, and most importantly, keep bedtimes and bedtime rituals the same. Consistency calms children and makes them feel safe.
• Announce activities or events in advance. Just like you, children want to know what the evening will be like before leaving the house in the morning. Have a children’s calendar posted in a clearly visible spot where you explain the events of the day, and preferably the events of the week, far enough in advance so that there is plenty of time for plans to sink in. Surprises are meant for birthdays, not for who is picking up from preschool.
• Create a few family traditions at a time. Too many activities can have an adverse effect, thus creating some negative behaviors. Also keep in mind that the anticipation of an event is often just as exciting as the actual event, so give your children plenty of time to look forward to special family happenings. You may want to limit participation according to your children’s ages. For example, the older kids go to the Nutcracker Ballet while the younger ones stay home with a trusted babysitter.

Remember, if mom and dad take a minute to breathe, the whole family will relax and enjoy the magical moments of the season. Its not how much you do, but how much fun you have doing it.

Okay, I am back in the “mommy during the holidays” mode, which means, that although I would like to sip hot chocolate on the couch while reading a book with my children, for today, I need to get some Christmas shopping done!!! The mad dash is clearly in full force. So, if you don’t have leisure time to peruse the children’s section looking for good books, here are three favorites.

The Seven Silly Eaters by Mary Ann Hoberman. Great rhyming story that keeps children entertained. I like to have my three year old guess the words at the end of each rhyme. This one is sure to please.

Enemy Pie by Derek Munson. This book appeals to me as a principal, teacher and mom. The illustrations are adorable, and the story is fantastic- I read this one to all my students at school. This simple story shows how to get rid of enemies for good. First graders through sixth graders will enjoy.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney. This is the hottest book around. My 10 year-old daughter devoured this book in a matter of hours. Funny and engaging, it is also a quick read. I think even the most reluctant reader will enjoy this one.

What are YOUR favorite children’s books?

Happiness is encouraging your child to “experience the joy” of reading . . .

Hot chocolate, a warm blanket, fluffy socks, pj’s and some steaming cups of hot cocoa… perfect!!! The only thing that would make it better is adding your children and some good books. Slowing down with our children during the holidays is one way to make the season memorable. Although children are on a break from school, keeping up with reading everyday is SO important. Need some ideas on how to engage your child in reading during the holidays? Here are a few:

• Make a basket of holiday related books. Each year you can bring out the basket just like you do your ornaments and other decorations. As your collection grows each year, it is fun for children and parents alike to revisit old favorites. Opening the basket of books can be a much anticipated event that easily becomes a family tradition.
• It is extra special if you add a new book to the basket each year, allowing each child to sign and date the book as a future keepsake for mom and dad.
• Visit the library and have your child apply for a library card. Be on the lookout for special family read aloud nights. While there, your child can select some books to “visit” your holiday book basket.
• Everyone in the family gets a new book to read during the holidays. Take turns sharing out key concepts like main characters, plot and setting.
• Be a good role model for your child. Let him/her see YOU read for pleasure. Children rarely see their parents read, and yet we tell them it is the most important thing they can learn to do!! Try to plan some family reading time, just like you would plan a trip to the movies. Spread a big blanket out on the floor, pop some popcorn and have each family member bring a few good books. Set a time limit before you start (15 minutes is PLENTY at first!) You want the time to be meaningful, not overwhelming. For younger children, use this time as read aloud time.

You will be surprised how easy it is to establish family traditions that involve reading.

Happiness is reading with your child . . .