Dr. Pat’s Health Tips: Lose the Guilt

When I think of all the emotions I associate with motherhood, most are really wonderful…love, empathy, pride, hope. But another biggie creeps in… guilt.

Over and over I see wonderful mothers who can’t help but blame themselves for all of their child’s woes. When my son was only 15 months old, he sliced his hand on a can I had just thrown in the trash. I saw him go for it, but didn’t get there in time to stop him. He needed six stitches. I was fairly calm under the circumstances, but I knew it was my fault. Just like all the other mothers I see with injured children, I was blaming myself. I was guilty.

We know who we are. Did we feed them enough or too much? Are they warm or cool enough? Is the house clean enough? Too clean, too scheduled, too much?

I don’t really know where all that negative stuff comes from (maybe our mothers?), but I do know we don’t have to keep up the tradition. I spend the better part of my day reassuring parents that they are doing the right thing. And usually, they really are. It also turns out that our children will thrive in spite of us, in spite of themselves. Work for a balance as best you can, but try to leave guilt out of it.

Guilt ranks right up there with other stress hormones and they all take a big toll on our well being. Just say NO to guilt, and mean it. No, I won’t feel guilty or take responsibility for every failing, every problem my family encounters. Keep your sense of humor and life’s little crises won’t seem so bad.

Check out a few good books on the subject, like Motherhood without Guilt, by Debra Rosenberg or Mommy Guilt, by Julie Bort, Aviva Pflock and Devra Renner. If you don’t feel guilty anymore, your family won’t have to feel guilty for making you feel guilty. Then everyone feels better. Hooray!

More articles by Dr. Pat in Healthy Lifestyle.

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